Monday, September 30, 2002
Laur @ 10:03 PM
listening to "Everyday is a Winding Road" by Sheryl Crow
I once said I was a melodramatic fool living in a screenplay,
And that you had been unknowingly added to the cast list.
I think I've somehow managed to convince myself
That you don't mind.
Even if it doesn't bother you today,
The day will eventually come when it causes you
To throw me away.
I've got to learn to tone this down.
Sunday, September 29, 2002
Laur @ 9:39 PM
listening to "Barely Breathing" by Duncan Sheik
Knowing me like both you and I do,
I'm the most insecure person in the world.
But I'm about to let go of that.
Because I know what I want
And I know that you have it.
Both of us know that it's time I
Reach out there and grab it.
Don't stop what you are doing,
Just know this much:
Tomorrow I may be the first
Who initiates that we touch.
Laur @ 8:56 PM
listening to "Objection (Tango)" by Shakira
I wanted to be that special person who just turned your world upside down.
I think you've gone and been that one for me.
When I feel you then suddenly everything's in disarray,
My insides are a jumble of things that make up the best feeling I've ever had,
And my eyes get all cloudy,
Not to mention my mind.
My right is left and my left is right,
Night is day and day is night.
Front is backwards and backwards is front,
Up is down and down is up.
I'm so dizzy in my ecstasy that I'm about to fall away,
But I'd fall into your arms and so it's okay.
So try to understand,
Every day spent with you,
Is the best day I've had.
Laur @ 8:42 PM
listening to "On a High" by Duncan Sheik
I love this table.
Even if the school's quarantined and we know we're going to die from some disease
Like smallpox,
I could sit here and be happy as anyone could ever be,
Just so long as I can smell your scent right next to me
Or stare into your eyes across from me.
Even if the school is under a threat and we're bound to be blown up by some terrorists
From Afghanistan,
I could sit here and be drowning in ecstasy,
Just so long as our legs are entwined
Or your hand is softly grasping mine.
I could be having the worst day,
But then suddenly it's okay,
Because the feeling I have when you're with me,
Is threatening to consume me.
Saturday, September 28, 2002
Laur @ 8:18 PM
listening to a gingerbread house-making movie
We were sitting on a backless bench indoors and out of the unforgiving heat,
Next to and beside our closest friends.
Everyone was laughing.
It was one of the bestest times I had ever had.
Then we asked you a question we'd asked a million times,
At first you failed to answer,
But then it got real quiet and suddenly the words, they left your mouth.
Now I'm so mixed.
Why didn't you tell us before?
We thought we saw it coming and if it happened we wouldn't be so surprised.
It's not as thought you've caught us unawares.
I don't know about them, but, geez, I'm stunned.
I knew, but I didn't, and now that I do...
I still barely believe it.
I feel like I've been cheated,
But I can certainly see why.
I feel like you deceived me,
But you never exactly lied.
I wish you would've told me,
But I feel privileged to know now.
I sure hope you're not joking,
Though I just don't see how...
I just don't know what to think.
Thursday, September 26, 2002
Laur @ 9:40 PM
listening to "Strawberryfire" by Apples in Stereo
It's every other thought, I swear.
Even almost every single one.
You're always on my mind.
You interrupt my thought process,
You make that Geography lecture so much harder to be attentive to.
But that's okay.
The welcome mat is always turned rightside up and is swept clean for you.
I accidentally doodled your name on my algebra again.
They're trying to teach us how to think,
Well I think I'm an expert by now.
You won't go away,
And I'm glad,
'Cause I'd just beg you to stay anyway.
Laur @ 9:31 PM
listening to "Long Way Down" by the Goo Goo Dolls
I just got so excited
And so here I am,
Having run all the way down the hall
As fast as I could
To ensure that the moment was to be spent
With you.
I wanted you to be the only eyewitness
To just how happy I am right now.
After all,
That seems appropriate,
Since it's
All
Because
Of
You.
Monday, September 23, 2002
Laur @ 8:42 PM
listening to "Where Are You Going" by Dave Matthews Band
I could've stayed there glued to the spot forever.
I could've inhaled your scent for the rest of my life.
I could've melted into your arms everyday all the time.
And now before this gets too sappy, I'm going to stop.
Sunday, September 22, 2002
Laur @ 6:15 PM
listening to "Proceed with Caution" by The New Amsterdams
Someday far in the future
I'll be here and you'll be long gone.
Our departure would've been years and years before,
And perhaps I will have forgotten.
But one day I'll be flipping through my high school journals,
And with every word of every entry
It will all come flooding back and
In my mind will be the most vivid picture
Of you.
Every little thing was jotted down and I'll relive it.
Every day was a new episode of what was to end up ending,
And I'll find myself thinking of what I'd be giving
To have it all back again,
To have you back again.
Saturday, September 21, 2002
Laur @ 11:26 PM
listening to "Left Coast Envy" by The Starting Line
I think I'll call in and order an extra large pizza
'Cause this could take all night.
You'd better go and make yourself comfortable
On the couch or on a chair or hey, maybe in my arms.
I'll go grab some more candles,
The melting wax is quicker than the words we have yet to say.
Now turn down the music and put away the lyrics,
Tonight it's in our own words only.
It's taken so long what with our busy schedules
And tonight cannot go wasted.
I guess the hardest part is going to be
When I join you on the couch
And we each wait for the other to speak.
Though eventually I'm pretty sure
The clinking of our near-empty glasses on the coffee table
Will drive one of us crazy before the other
And someone will have to say something
Or else just run out the front door screaming.
Once I'm done calling Pizza Hut I promise I'll come sit by you.
Fitrst I'll just have to drag up the courage
Even though I shouldn't have to.
When did it become so nerve-wracking just to sit down and talk?
I think I'll be okay
So long as you just don't look me in the eyes.
I never was too good at dealing with what can't be put to words,
And those looks that you give me can't be mastered
By a liberal arts nerd like me.
This stalling is getting me nowhere.
Laur @ 11:02 PM
listening to "Hello Houston" by The Starting Line
A light drizzle suggests a bigger storm but that's never the way it actually works because don't you know that'd be great but then i guess that's why it never really seems to work that way.
Laur @ 9:47 PM
listening to "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette
Just take your hand and run it over the broken mirror in the gym.
It's shattered on the inside but not on the out.
Don't worry about cutting your finger.
I'll just stand back here with my crappy disposable camera
And capture the image in all it's artsy goodness
Of what will apear to be the amazing person who can't get cut by glass.
I know you can get cut by glass.
But that doesn't stop you from being amazing.
Laur @ 8:52 PM
listening to "Parallel Universe" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers
It's like everywhere I go I want to send you a postcard;
"I wish you were here."
Somehow I've come to relate to the oddest Placebo;
"I'd pay to have you near."
I'd like to think you'll always think of me on days when
It's raining raindrops crystal clear.
God I hope I'm not a nuisance who's only getting
In the way of your high school career.
Laur @ 8:45 PM
listening to "Uninvited" by Alanis Morissette
Just when the last thing I want to be is selfish,
That's what I've become.
Even if it's impossible for my muddy eyes to see,
Surely you're trying.
My insecurity should give you the benefit of the doubt;
I should believe you.
It's just that when I wanted to be different somehow I ended up being the same.
I'll write something late at night and nearly send it,
But I come to my senses.
It seems I act so rash and you don't act at all,
I need to tone it down.
Not everyday needs to be a fucking soap opera,
I needa stop acting like it.
It's just I wanted you so goddamn bad and then finally you came.
Thursday, September 19, 2002
Laur @ 9:04 PM
listening to "Running Away" by Hoobastank
You said you watch my every move and think about it.
Well I reread your every word and wonder about them.
You wanted me in your arms,
Well then take me.
You wanted to whisper in my ear,
Well then go on right ahead.
No one's stopping you,
Except for you,
It's past what I can do.
Some days you do a good job of acting how you claim you feel.
But the rest of the time it's like you changed overnight.
You wanted me in your arms,
Well then take me.
You wanted to whisper in my ear,
Well then go on right ahead.
No one's stopping you,
Except for you,
It's past what I can do.
I don't know what else
Laur @ 8:49 PM
listening to "We Are the Normal" by The Goo Goo Dolls
I closed my eyes today and fell asleep,
And when I thought I opened them I was really in a dream.
You were there.
Your arm was around me.
I was amazed because other people could see.
When I shut my eyes again it was dark,
And I opened them to find I was suddenly awake.
You were there.
You weren't even looking at me.
I wasn't amazed because I knew that's what you want them to see.
Laur @ 8:44 PM
listening to "The Bradley" by Further Seems Forever
It's like that phrase I once heard in a song,
"Roller coaster riding love,"
And suddenly it makes sense.
Every day is either good or bad,
We have yet to establish a 'normal.'
One day you walk me around,
And one day you ignore me.
I wish you were there always all the time,
But I know you need your space.
I wish your arms, they were always around me,
But I know you don't want anyone to see.
I don't know.
Laur @ 8:06 PM
listening to "Road Trippin'" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers
You bumped against me in the hall and now I think I'm going to drown.
I don't think it's normal for this to feel so good.
Tomorrow I think I'll wander the school just to accidentally brush against your shoulder,
Or maybe when we sit at the table I'll pretend to want more leg space.
I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, and if you catch me I think I'll just die on the spot.
But it'd be worth it.
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
Laur @ 8:25 PM
listening to "Maybe I'll Catch Fire" by Alkaline Trio
Hey, how's your day been?
That's good; me, too.
Did you turn in that project?
Yeah, I know, it took forever to finish!
I don't really like that class, either.
Well at least it's your best subject,
Even if the teacher is that boring.
I'm just going to sort of put my hand on your arm now, okay?
That test was easy, the science one.
You got a 95? Wow.
I only got an 85, but that's pretty good for me.
I think I'll stare at you all day, alright?
Oh, you're right, the bell's about to ring.
I guess I'll see you later.
Laur @ 6:56 PM
listening to "Champ" by The Movielife
I love the way you smell.
It's got to be the strangest thing,
Because no one else seems to pick up on your scent.
I seem to be the only one who would just bask in it all day if I could.
I'm glad.
It makes me feel special to be the exclusive one who realizes how great it is.
So I hope sometime soon you pull me close,
Warm in your arms and against your chest.
I'll close my eyes and lean into your shoulder,
And inhale till my nose hurts.
Saturday, September 14, 2002
Laur @ 10:21 PM
listening to "Be Here Now" by Oasis
If only I knew that you talk in your sleep.
I'd be at your window every night.
I wouldn't take a tape recorder,
All I want is to hear you and finally be privy to what's on your mind.
Even more I think I'd like to see you asleep,
With your sheets twisted around you.
I want to see you close your eyes,
And pretend that you're thinking about me all the time.
Oh, but most of all, I wish I was with you,
Snuggling close and so content.
I would bo so wam and protected and
Your arms around me would be the best present in the world.
The clock says 10:10.
Now you know what I'm wishing for.
All I want is you.
All I want is your touch.
All I want is your love.
My birthday's a lifetime away.
Friday, September 13, 2002
Laur @ 9:17 PM
listening to "I Want You to Need Me" by Celine Dion
I can't stand across from you forever.
One of us is going to have to make a move.
I just hope that it's you,
And I hope that it's soon,
Because soon I'm going to break.
I can't watch you out of the corner of my eye.
It's going to become an everlasting stare.
I hope you see me,
And I hope that you're glad,
Because things are going to get fake.
I can't pretend I'm unaffected.
This is everything I am.
I just hope that you know,
And I hope that you care,
Because soon it could be too late.
Standing across from each other,
All we do is stare.
I wait for you to walk away.
I don't know what you're expecting me to do.
Laur @ 9:03 PM
listening to "Road Trippin'" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
You sit there and you stare.
I don't mind, really.
Eye contact is so frightening, though.
I'm not worthy.
Your foot brushed against mine.
It's the best feeling I've ever had,
Please don't take it away.
But I don't want to be selfish.
I'm not worthy.
What's that you're saying?
No, please, just stop.
Don't say you love me;
It's not possible.
Of course I love you.
Just try to understand.
I'm not worthy.
Thursday, September 05, 2002
Laur @ 10:04 PM
listening to "Mizerable" by Gackt
You once said to me,
"We'll meet under a rainy sky,
And someday ride down a waterfall."
It sounded so promising,
But I'm starting to think that you planned this eternal drought.
I love you too much,
You don't love me enough.
Or at least that's the way it looks to me.
Wednesday, September 04, 2002
Laur @ 9:10 PM
listening to "Don't Push Love Away" by The Juliana Theory
I totally hate and despise family road trips. There are no words to describe the annoyed ache I feel as I sit, squeezed into the backseat of our car, sandwiched between a younger brother who gets carsick and a younger sister who sings road songs, not to mention stuck behind a mom who encourages her and a father who dutifully pretends not to mind. Oh, god. A million stereos blaring "Smells Like Teen Spirit" at the highest volume possible could not drown out the pitiful, whiny sound of the 2nd grade beast wearing the deceiving flowered dress and pretty pink headband. It is ringing in my head.
And that was only the first half hour.
Laur @ 9:04 PM
listening to "Telling Stories" by Tracy Chapman
Someone was knocking on my door. I knew it was him, coming all the way down the hall to my dorm room to apologize. Haha. Well right now, I'm not accepting any apologies. Especially from bastards who say they love me but don't even know the meaning well enough to touch my arm affectionately in front their friends.
The knocking continued. "God damnit!" I yelled, jumping up from my bed and letting my tear-stained pillow fall to the floor.
Running and stopping at the same time, I reached the door in a world record number of seconds.
I swung it open carelessly, and it hit the inside wall hard. And, just as I suspected, it was him. He was even wearing my favorite shirt. How strategic of him. My heart softened, as it was supposed to. However, my stubborness kicked in.
"WE DON'T WANT ANY!" I yelled in his face, and slammed the door.
Laur @ 8:15 PM
listening to "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" by the Backstreet Boys
All I want,
It's what you said you always wanted.
The only thing I wish for,
It's what you said you longed for, too.
So why isn't anything happening?
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